I blame Coles. I point the Big Red Finger of accountability directly at them for being irresponsibly reducing the price of Tim Tams to $2.
Two bucks! In winter! At that time of the month? Yes. Yes and Sure Thing.
Now my thighs are paying well above retail price for the shopping list slip-up!
Cellulite has hit. I swear I spotted some this morning as I, like Gwyneth here, slid/wiggled/yanked/coerced my running pants into cohesion. Boom! Today’s blog inspiration. And upon researching cellulite – it’s not all lippies and Lash Lifts in this job – I’ve realised a few hard, lumpy, facts.
Cellulite is a deep-seated problem. Literally. Cellulite is not a skin thing. It’s a fat situation, whereby dimply skin appears on the top layers of the buttocks, thighs, hip and surrounds, due to the uneven distribution of persistent subcutaneous fat deep in the nether regions of your seat. Your ass looks wobbly, feels dumpy and may be mistaken for a litter of excited puppies in your back pocket.*
*Not a medical term.
Cellulite is most likely due to my sex and age, rather than my adoration for Arnott’s: It affects up to 90% of post-adolescent females, therefore, its thought to be linked heavily to changes in estrogen, insulin, noradrenaline, thyroid hormones, and prolactin within the female body. So if you are female and on the other side of puberty you may be in the firing line.
Poor-fitting genes also play a part: Some research has identified a genetic component in cellulite. Predisposed fat stores and lymphatic and circulatory efficiency also plays a role in the theatrical delight My Ass looks like Cheesecake baked by a Chimpanzee!* So, you may be born with the burden that won’t show up until you’ve blown three weeks wage on a Zimmermann bikini.
*As not seen on Broadway.
If you stress less and eat smarter, you may look slimmer: Stress and poor diets are both Culprits of the Cellulite Kind as both increase the level of organic compounds – including adrenalin – that activate the body fat ‘pockets’ which lead to cellulite.
The problem may be in your pants: Yes, some parties believe that even the simple oversight of wearing boy-legs three sizes too small limit blood flow to the buttocks and thigh area, causing fat pockets to build up.
So, what can you do?
Eat like a Grannie. (Tea biscuits not included): Basically, if your grandparents wouldn’t have heard of a food or ingredient, don’t eat it. You will be amazed at how many preservatives and sugary, salty packaged and fast food – all the stuff that cellulite thrives on – you will cut out of your diet.
Brush Up: A fave of Miranda Kerr, body brushing can help eliminate toxins and increase circulation in stubborn areas around thy seat. Just invest in a Manicare Cellulite Bristle Brush, $14.95, from Priceline, and brush in long, firm strokes upwards towards the heart to help ease toxin buildup.
Pay attention to ingredients: When it comes to creams, there are some powerful ingredients that can work towards stimulating circulation and the lymphatic draining system, breaking down the mucous membrane and assisting draining. These include caffeine, algae, coffee and even pineapple.
Try:
Guinot Silhouette Refining Cellulite Age Logic Minceur, $100, 1300 300 954
Phytomer Body Declic Unique Anti-Cellulite Cream, $83, 1800 037 076
In-Clinic Answers:
Cool Sculpting: Is a TGA approved treatment that uses Cryolipolysis to ‘freeze’ fat pockets safely. For more information, click here.
i-Lipo: Is performed at The Laser Lounge in Sydney and uses medical grade lasers during a 20-minute treatment to send signals to the fat cells to break down. The fat cell walls then become porous and the fatty acids are able to then escape into the natural interstitial tissue.
Thermage: Can also be used to contour and tighten the skin around the buttocks area via a radiofrequency that heats the deepest layers of the skin to stimulate collagen renewal. Results are subtle but a single treatment is all that’s needed and there is no down time. Visit Thermage.
So, for now, it’s Tim Tams at four paces, body brush at two and two-way mirror at one. I won’t beat myself up too much though, I mean, what the world doesn’t know, won’t scar them for life just yet. I’ll wait for summer to do that.
Ecb x
